I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
