I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
