Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
