the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
