I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
