Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
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