I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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