it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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