the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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