I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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