You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
