I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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