dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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