Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
