i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
