He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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