Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
