i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
