I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
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So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
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ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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