I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
