I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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