Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
