There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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