i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
