So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is my gift to your gina
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
