is your mom at the bar?
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
