i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
