He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
BRING THE BAGELS
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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