You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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