Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
