Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
