just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
