Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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