The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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