Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
