you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
