I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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