in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
