somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
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They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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