I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
