So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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