I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
