That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
