the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
