I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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