Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
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did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
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The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Come on in and take your pants off
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