The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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