i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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