OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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