just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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