You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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