we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize