In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
