Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
