im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
