Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
