my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this boner is exhausting
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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