i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
