Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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