Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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