omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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