I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
she smelled like a LAN party
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
