why didn't you poke me back
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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