I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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