a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
