Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
