Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
